His physical therapist apt

David is almost 9 pounds!!!! He is really looking like a good size baby now, and for his *real* age (aka when he should have been born and being 2 weeks old now) hes just about on par with that!

His physical therapist apt went very well. He has a tight hamstring, and his legs curve in a little. She thinks the curve is more due to his fat cells and lack there of in some areas, and the leg apears to be more curved due to that. He should out grow that. We have striaghtening excersises for his legs, (hamstring). And she believes thats all he will need.
We do have a follow up in 3 months.

His dr was very pleased as a whole in his developement areas!

Hi there

Life is pretty much normal these days. David is over 8 lbs and growing. He is a very happy baby, he sleeps well most nights. He has some, but very few signs that he was-is a preemie.

David is just pure wonderfulness!

We are down to just seeing his ped on a normal schedule. It is nice to not have to go to the dr every week. We do have one final specialist apt today. Once that is over i will post. Probably not til tomorrow. (but i must admit a weird part of me misses all those drs, and nurses.....honestly I miss the people, the Friendships...not the medicine (-; )

I am doing well, i am almost back to my normal self. Parts of me are still very sore, and i still tired easily. But i am no longer getting around like it hurts :-p

I am not sure were the months have gone. It is almost July now, and i would swear it was only may if even that. I think it will take a while for me to get my time back...I figure by sept Ill feel summers here...just for it to be gone right around the corner.

We have no plans this summer, except to keep David away from crowds. So its a few more months of solitude for me, actual the next year really. We need to make it through cold and flu season with out him getting sick. Goodnews is he is on a small list of babies that will get the RSV shots. They are SO expensive that insurance only pays if you fall into the right category. David is classified as having chronic lung disease. Thats not as bad as it sounds, his lungs are actually pretty good for his prematurity, but the way he was born and the condition his lungs were at birth puts him in that category, and does put him at a hire risk of lung issues, or complications due to colds, etc. The shot is not an immunization, this is the way my nurse put it "the rsv shot wont prevent him from getting it, it will just cut his hospital stay in half if he does" So for now we will avoid crowds, lets see if we can make it a year with out him getting sick!

what is rsv? www.cdc.gov/RSV/about/faq.html

I am having some baby announcement cards made, I am not sure if anyone following would like one mailed to them, but if you do, email me your addy... debramom8 @yahoo.com (remove spaces)

oh, everyone is waking up, time for breakfast, will write more soon

Long overdue update.

Sorry for the time since the last update. I have been enjoying having him home so much, and every day he is growing. He is now over 6 lbs!!! He was 6 lb 3 oz, at his apt last week. He is now 19 inches long. He is now the size of a small newborn (long and skinny). He doesnt have any fat, though. So he still feels more tiny then he is. But he eats SO much, that he will be a fat little boy in no time *giggle* He is still fitting into preemie clothes. But its close, he will be in the newborn sizes in no time. He had is last (3rd) eye exam. And they are now mature. So we dont have any concerns over his eyes, and we are done with those unpleasant apts . The dr wants to see him for a routine exam when he is 2. Preemies have a higher rate for earlier eye issues (glasses and such) But for now his eyes are good, so we are very happy!
We have regular pediatrician apts (was every week, now its every 2), but he sees no concerns. David has a physical therapy apt on the 14th, this is one area I am concerned. So I am hoping he checks out ok there. Being in the sack for so long with out much fluid, made it difficult for him to streach out his limbs like he should have been able to in the womb (even with all his flipping wround). His arms look great, but his legs still dont fully streach out. Seems as tho his knees are a little stiff. The physical therapist in the hospital had us doing "bicycle" excersice. So we will see at his apt if they are less tight. Or if he needs physical therapy to continue.
He doesnt have any major issues, just a few minor ones here and there, so we are so very very happy. What a little blessing.

I will post pics, tonight...

What a big boy he is!!!

It has been 5 days since we left the hospital. And He is doing so wonderful! He has gained about 10 oz since then. Averaging about 2 oz per day!!!! He is now 5 pounds 13 oz....Its hard to believe he started out under 3 pounds. What a little munchkin.
I was going through my bags, and came across a "keepsake" diaper. Did you know pampers actually makes a diaper to fit a 3 pounder (and the nurses said they have smaller ones)! It was so tiny. I cant believe he was ever small enough to use that size. But sure enough he was. He is now DOUBLE his birth weight. AMAZING! Truly amazing!
The Dr had no concerns, and says he looks great. We go back in a week to keep a close eye on him, esp his weight. But everyone is happy with his growth and improvements!
We are all loving him home, Little Elizabeth (well she really was never little lol) is just loving him so much. Every time she seems me holding him, she runs to us with a giggle, and hugs him. Its just way to precious.
I need to run, but I will write more later!

new pics up

Added some pictures to photobucket (link in profile)

HES HOME!!!!! He is HOME. HE IS HOME!!!!!!!!

My little David is HOME!!!!!!

Last week went quick, I was waiting to post until we knew for sure. But then before we knew it, he was on his way home. The air flow was completly out (i think i already mentioned that. Then wed the feeding tube came out, and he started eating all his bottles. Then the bed got lowered (leveled).
I had heard a few stories where they saud 'home on sunday' the sat night comes and there is another issue. So i held my breath, and didnt post. He was going to come home sunday...Tomorrow. But I got a call today. "Hi Debra, Its dr... calling. Giving you your daily call on Mr David, He is doing so great that we thought he could go home today. What do you think?" WHAT DO I THINK...I said, YES, YES, YES.... He is now home, and I can now breath!!!!

He is still so tiny, but has grown so much. He is up to 5 pounds 3 oz...Thats 2 pounds 4 oz above his birth weight. He is doing so well. He had his hearing test. PAST. Had his third and final cat scan (brain) and there are no concerns. He has one more eye exam in 2 weeks, but the first two showed that his progress is normal for his premie age (the eyes are still maturing, as they are one of the last origins to grow). He has a physical therapist spt in a few weeks as well. His legs (Knees) are a little tight, they are thinking he will out grow that as well. But we need to follow up (tight limbs were one of the concerns with the low fluid levels)

My nurses were awesome, Davids nurses were awesome. Both of our dr were awesome. And it is because of each one of them that David is alive!!!!! What a wonderful group of people. I have so much love for each of them, and I will miss them all.

I will be continuing to post, and share his story. Thank you for following us on this!!!!!

I have pics, I will post soon, I am tired...and going to cuddle with David!!!!!

updates

I have been so busy. The better i feel the more work i do, and theless i time i have to come here.... (-: but busy is good

David is 4 pounds 13 oz!!!!!!!!!!!!
He is off his air flow, and drinks half his milk through bottles. He nurses when i am there (before his bottle) doesnt get much because i am still not making much. But we are still working on that. He still has his feeding tube for the other feedings, but they still think he can be home at 36 weeks (thats next week!!!) Might be one more week after that, but either way its soon!!!!

I will upload my newiest pics tomorrow..need sleep now (-:

I was thinking today.....

I never really shared the first 20 weeks...so i edited the very first post, and shared the first half of this journey.....I did it so i would rememeber for David (and to share with you too), This has been one amazing journey. Long, hard, but also mixed with many blessing!

Wonderful day

David is 4 pounds 9 oz...He is getting to be a big boy. I had a very nice day with him. A very full, and very busy day. I got to give him a bath. He loved it, it was just too precious. You know how, after a long hard day. You get a hot bath going. And once your in. You just let out a big relaxing sigh, and your whole body is relaxed, and it is just a complete pleasure. Well I saw that in him. He looked so perfect, and was truly enjoying himself. It was the best bath I have ever given. I was torn between getting it on film, and just soaking in all in....Soaking it all in won. So no pics of bath time. But i think this is one bath I will never forget...I got to nurse him, give him a bottle and just cuddle. a perfect day at the nicu
I am really enjoying David, the time spent with him, and he wonderful personailty. Each day its just that much harder to leave him there, but soon, he will be home soon.

New pics and updates- and a little flash back

Well its Tuesday again, and my only "slow moving day". I will be home all day and see little David tonight.


Hes doing well. They are still saying home at 36 weeks (that's in 2 more weeks). Its funny how nervous I feel. I am a first time mom all over again. Everything is different with him. Even if my milk supply was enough he still can only nurse 2-3 times a day. Since he needs supplements, and needs schedule and measured feeds for now, he will be mostly bottle feed.


I am not sure if the full impact of all this has truly hit me, or if it ever will. I know how scary things were there (as i was living it) But my concern was doing what was right by David, so i didnt have time to be scared. I have comments like the following; from hubby to me "now that we know that you are going to be OK, and David isn't going to die, life is back to normal" (and it is for him- his wife and baby are both out of the woods for me tho life will not be back to normal for...i don't know, how long)


My drs and nurses frequently make these remark " well you were just so sick, everything is just going to take that much longer" and "Davids looking great....He sure was sick at the beginning" He was? I sit there thinking! lol denial...I am just kidden. Optomistic (always) denial (no chance) I remember the day he was born. And will never forget the dr expressions. His whole body, and expressions showed worry, and concern, it was one of the most painful moments and it made my momma heart sink (my heart cried, but we made it this far, he has to keep fighting). The morphine I am sure made it easier at the time (haha-but i am sure there is at least a minimal truth to that)..The dr said there were 3 steps to take with the lungs, and then thats it He did the first, not much improvement, the next- same, came to me after he started the third step, and said its a waiting game. Honestly I dont know HOW IN THE WORLD i held it together, HOURS later the dr came back in, with relief in his eyes and a smile on his face. At this point I knew David was going to be ok, and I think i breathed the first time in 9 weeks. From there he progressed fast, (big sigh of relief) So yes, he was really sick, and I was not in denial...just like not to dwell....Just get through it, the best I can. He looks great, and is perfect. PERIOD! But only time will tell if he has any life long difficulties...(does seem to but if he does, he is still perfect to me) So it is still 'one day at a time'.





OK, Now on to today, and the current. He is doing GREAT. He is just about 4 and 1/2 pounds. He is in an open bed (so he is regulating his own temp) He is up to 1.5 oz every 3 hours. Off oxygen, but still on some air flow, but being weaned from that. He nurses, and takes milk from a bottle every few feedings. But still has a way to go (but the nurses say 34 weeks is typically their big week, and this is the week they expect to see a huge change_ i cant imagine him being ready to come home it 2 weeks, but they say he should....he is 34 weeks today, so this is a big week for him)





New pics posted, he is a big boy (-;

He is getting BIG :-)

Sorry for my lack of updates. I am trying to balance my time. And today has been the only day I have had to get on the computer for longer then a min. Hubby had to go to the office today (he is home everyday but tues), so I will be seeing David tonight, instead of during the day. Its nice on one hand because I get all day long to be the mom. (my routine has been...get up, dressed, kids going on their day, school started. Then by 12 I am on my way to see David until 4 when I come home to make dinner.) Todds around all the other days to over see the kids...and the days are LONG for all of us. But today I have been here all day, doing all the mom stuff...It is so nice just to be here. But BOY do I miss David....



I am doing real well, I am no longer sick, and am healing well. I am still tired, but that comes with all this. I have my last apt with my dr in two weeks. But everything looks great with me. My only complaint is I am only able to get enough milk each day to give David 3-4 feedings from my own supply (he has 8 feedings a day- ) But they suspect once I get him home that will all work out.



Now on to David....where did I last leave off? I might repete a few things, but i will try my best not to miss anything. He got moved to the *big boy nicu* 10 days ago. The same day he got his IV out, and his oxygen completely off. The first 2 days after all this he lost about 1.5 oz (typical) but then started putting back on .5 to 1 oz a day. He is up to 1.25 oz of milk every 3 hours. And can suckle every so often (about 1/4 of a feeding- once every few days). He still has the feeding tube for the majority of his feedings, and is still in a temperature regulating machine (aka isolate, aka incubator). But they are lowering it a tiny bit every so often, and will wean him off that, as soon as he can regulate his own temp he will be in a regular open "bed".

After a week off the oxygen, he is back on (as of sunday) but very minimal. If they need to go higher on the oxygen he will go back to the little boy nicu but the dr doesnt think that will happen, and is thinking he will be off it in a very short time, and suggest that sometimes this happens when the feeds go up. He just need to work hard to eat, and grow, so his lungs just needs a little help. THe dr does not think he is going to have any long term lung issues.

So little David needs to be doing 3 things before he comes home. Eat 100 percent from a bottle or nursing. Regulate own temp, and no oxygen help. They are still guessing 4 weeks from now.



OH, and before I forget...Because its just the best news I have. He is 4 pounds (exactly) today!!!!!! I home this is a flowing post as I am tired....I am also sure I missed some smaller things, but I will add anything else I can think of...



Pics posted in photobucket (link on the right of the page)

will add updates an pic

will add pics and updates this weekend,

Hello there!

Boy, I dont think I have EVER been this tired in my whole life. But even in that i really am doing well, and healing well. My meds are done as of tomorrow, and i see my DR then. I have been driving the last two days to see David, and of course that is really making me tired, due to the c-section, extended bed rest and the ucky infection. So i know its only a matter of time until I feel my self again...I just need to anticipate being tired all this week (-:

David is doing AWESOME! He is off all oxygen, and they have been lowering his heat on his bed, so he is more easily regulating his own temp. He still has a feeding tube, but has taken 4 bottles (drinking about a fourth each time) and has nursed 4 times as well in the last three days, and gaining weight well.

He is a little charmer, has charmed my heart, thats for sure. As well as the nurses around him....Oh, he has got my heart, theres no denying that!!!!!

I am off to bed, I will try not to go so long with out an update!!

Will be posting a big update tonight

I am driving today and anxious to get to David, so i will post tonight....had an awsome visit last night, and will post about it tonight

new pics up, and what a cutie

I have uploaded the last few days of pics, and I have to say...his personality really shines in these photos, ahhhh melts my heart http://s5.photobucket.com/albums/y180/debbbbra/?start=all

31 weeks- and doing great!

David is 31 weeks (tues), and is still continuing to do better than expected. Everyone, drs too, are hesitant to do any high fiving right now, (but we are all secrectly doing that :-) . They keep saying "he shouldnt be doing this yet, but its great" he is more alert then a 31 weeker, sucks more, and little (well big for him) things like that, he is off the ivs, is on very low oxygen, and his feeds are at 26 ccs every 3 hours (goal is 30), they are adding supplemental iron and vitamins to those as well, I am still being brought every day. So our visits are still short (about 2 hours) but in a few more days i will be cleared to drive, and i will be able to spend a lot more time with him.

I am starting to feel better, yesterday and tues i slept all day, and was very fatigued (a reason i didnt post pics yesterday) but i think today i am finally starting to feel better, I am half way through my antibiotics, still slow at moving, but doing better...

pics coming as soon as i download them

Qoick update

David is now 3 lbs 6 oz , almost 1/2 a pound above his birth weight!!!! He is still on some oxygen, but most of what he breathes is room air. He is up to 18 ccs of milk every 3 hours, and they are going to start adding supplements to my milk to give him those needed vitamins that he missed (being born early) This will allow them to wean off his iv fluids.

I have pics (really really cute ones *giggle*) i will be downloading tomorrow,
I am doing well, i think the meds are working, my milk supply is starting to increase, but barely keeping up with David...so i still have a ways to go, but getting there. I am taking it very easy, but am still very exhausted (they say between the long term bedrest, and infection, my recovery is going to be slower, but we will get there (-: )

i will post when those pics are up!

\o/ I AM HOME! \o/

I got home last night after a three night stay in the hospital. Some where between the bag being ruptured for so long, and the c-section I got a pretty hardy infection. My only sign really was a fever. One which brought me to the ER last wed. They gave me a dose of iv antibiotics, and a week of oral and lots of blood work and sent me home. 6 days later i got another high fever (just over 102) and we ran back to the hospital, the same day i got a call from the ER and they had just gotten the results (which puzzled everyone that it took almost a week to get the final results) Turns out the meds they gave me werent going to clear up what i had. (lol really- lol)

So i spent a few days on iv antibiotics and spiked one last time to just over 103. But they all think i am now on my way to a complete recovery, really strong antibiotics that i will be taking for 10 days, no fever in the last 48 hours. i am now home resting.



It was nice being in the same area as David, and i did get to see him more often, but the total length if time i spent with him averaged less then when i was visiting fom home. That was a bummer. Still saying goodbye last night to head home was so hard, and so emotional.



He is growing, doing well, and oh sooooo sweet. We had a wonderful time together yesterday. He spent about 10 mins really showing off (-: He was opening his eyes wide, giving me those sleepy smiles, and even showing me his cute little tongue.

He is so funny, if he hears my voice he gets so excited that his little heart starts pounding, but the second i touch him, he settles down. The nurses laugh when that happens, because it is the ONLY time it happens. When i hold him, we are both so happy an content.

He is doing awesome, he is now up to 12 cc's of milk every 3 hours, and has caught up to my milk supply, so now i am really needing to get my milk going (mine is up to about 1 oz per pumping, but thats tripple what it was now that i am getting better i feel that i will be making milk well)

He is on positive air flow, and has to have oxygen a certain times. like when he eats (its hard work to fill up your tummy) and when he is being moved too much, but it minor. Otherwise he is doing really well.

We will be back this afternoon, to see him...I still have a week to go before i can drive, so i get to go when everyone is ready, so the wait is hard at times, but so worth it...

*I* am going home, will post tonight.

Its been a long few days for me, I am going home in a few hours and will post tonight, David has continued to be going in the right direction

A very hectic day!

Good news first, David gained another 1.5 ozs, so he is now just over 3 pounds. His feeds are continuing to be raised and he is now on 6 ccs every 3 hours< he has been put on some air ,not a cpap- just room air being given directly through his nose, more of a conservative measure then and thing else. So he continues to do well,

I was admitted today to the hospital, with a fever and infection, i will be here til Friday or Saturday, i am getting lots of iv treatments, fluids and meds, with all that i am struggling to get more the an oz per pumping and most of the time less, however we figure when the infection is gone, my milk will come in greater! I will give a better update tomorrow, sleep is pulling at me

A wonderful experience

I had to wait ALL DAY LONG, to see David yesterday. ((boo hoo_ sniff sniff)). Todd started work back, so we have to wait til 4 to leave for our 45 min drive (sigh) to see David, until I can drive myself. Makes for a long day, but honestly I am just thankful he is doing so well and that I CAN see him every day. Its getting rough to make those drives, i hope my family can just hold on a little onger til i can drive. I held him for almost 2 hours, and while i was holding him the nurse said. "did you pump recently? Are you empty.....would you like to have him suckle" WOULD I??? WOULD I? lol...she most certainly didnt have to ask a second time. He doesnt have the ability to nurse yet, he doesnt have the sucking skills and it is also very tiring. So he was "attached" for about 10 minutes, and gave 10 mighty sucks!!!!!!! These little feats of his are remarkable, amazing, awe feeling....and makes you take a big sigh, of comfort, relief, and pleasure....What an amazing little man he is. Also as I was typing this up I got my morning call from the dr...He gained right over 1.5 oz in the last few days, so he is now right above his birth weight of 2 lbs 15 oz. They are increasing his feedings again from 3 cc's every 3 hours, to 4....But instead of upping it everyday, they are going to try upping it every 12 hours. This is encouraging. He is breathing well, but has his occasion hard deep breathes. So far he is tolerating it, but may have to go back on the cpap for small durations if those harder breathes are too difficult. But so far the dr says "he is holding his own" Amazing little man,truly amazing! As far as me....I did get a call back from the ER dr (from my wed night visit) I did have a hardy infection going through my body (due to the combo of the bag being ruptured so long and the c-section) but it looks like the meds are working. I have noticed that if i have a long or stressful day my fever does come back, but low grade. We will be continuing to take care of me too with rest and dr visits. And are hoping when my meds are done, so will my infection.

My Easter visit, and Davids smiles- video

Yesterday was wonderful. I spent a lot of the day with little David. I got to take his temp, change his diaper, turn him over and wipe his eyes (those everyday things, we never think would be so amazing to be able to do) I held him for 2 hours, and we both loved that, every second. 2 hours is about all he can do, it tires him out, and being freshly off the cpap, we need to take it easy and make sure he doesnt get to tired. The rest of the time i got to talk to him,  stare at him, and just be in the same room. It was wonderful, so, so wonderful.   It was pretty exhausting for me as well, and i am a little sore, and tired today, but even with that I have been able to decrease my pain meds. So I am healing well.   I am counting the hours til i see him again (we leave he at 4:00) It is going to be hard to wait for Todd to be off work to go, but soon I will be driving myself, and for now i am just so happy i can see him today!     all pictures at this link   http://s5.photobucket.com/albums/y180/debbbbra/?start=all   davids video- smile at 1:39   <embed width="600" height="361" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowFullscreen="true" allowNetworking="all" wmode="transparent" src="http://static.photobucket.com/player.swf?file=http://vid5.photobucket.com/albums/y180/debbbbra/VID00013.flv">

Many wonderful updates!!!!!

I get a morning call from my dr, and todays call was full of so much good news.

He went up from one cc of milk ever 3 hours to 2 yesterday. He is tolerating it very well so they went up to 3 cc's every 3 hours (there is aprox 15 cc's in 1/2 an oz)

He has gained 1/2 and oz (was down 2 oz since birth- which is normal but is now on the up )

He had his first brain scan, and everything looks great (biggest concern is bleeding)

He had his first poo yesterday as well!!!

I got more pics (posted at photobucket) and a video that we took yesterday. The video is also at photobucket, his eyes are open, and at 1:39 he smiles....ohhh what an amazing thing to watch!

i will type more out later today!!!!

My Precious David

((Sigh)) The more i see him, the more I hold him, The more I miss him!

Today was a GREAT day. He is off the blue light (jundice), off the cpap (continous positive air pressure) to see how he does. He gets about 1 cc of momma milk every 4 hours (1/2 an oz will feed him 15 times the nurse says), in a few days he will be getting 2 cc's. Ohhh, he was soooo hooked up just 6 days ago, so many monitors, meds, equipment....So many that for those first few days couldnt even hold him. He has come such a long way. Just last week, the day his was born, the dr were so worried, we really didnt know what his lungs would bring. Today, (and i am praying he continues forwards) he has nothing helping his lungs. I rejoice with every ounce of my body,and thank the Lord that He gave little David the energy to fight as hard as he did...And brought him this far.
It amazes me that he stayed through so much. He got the knick name, "little fighter"because no matter what he just keep holding one. With the stress on my body from losing the first, I should have misscarred him. Oh...he is a fighter. When the dr said at 20 weeks to give up, and he wont make it. We both keep fighting. Thank you David for being so strong. Thank you God for making Him that way.

So on to tonight (check photobucjet, link in prev postfor pics)

I got to hold him, skin to skin with nothing between us, no big covering on his face, head. Still has a tube in his mouth and wires, and ivs..but he looks amazing, and it really felt like i was holding holding HIM for the first time, truly, truly the most amazing thing i have ever felt and experienced. I just held him, hugged him, and kissed him for 2 hours, non stop....its so hard to leave after that, but i know when i see him tomorrow i will be able to snuggle and hold him again, just the same.

laura (my 12 year old) was with me, and held him for a few seconds, and she was in heaven!

loads of pictures- link to photobucket

http://s5.photobucket.com/albums/y180/debbbbra/?start=all

random thought

random post this week wow, its been a long few days. I went home wed from the hospital, and wound up going back to the er at evening. With a fever, and a small infection, and extremely anemic. I am on meds, and doing great now, i got sent home that night as soon as my fever broke. Thats the tiring news. But on to the exciting news. David is doing wonderful, and improving daily. I am allowed to hold him, and we thought that day would be weeks away. Its the most amazing experience, to be able to hold such a delicate looking, small child. Its amazing he is here, amazing he survived. You can tell he recognizes my voice, and just my touch calms him. Today i went to see him when there were cleaning his face so i got to see every inch of him (i will get pics posted tomorrow), the machine he has on him now covers most of his face, but he shouldn't be on it too long, he is breathing on his own, this just helps to keep his lungs expanded. I will be back tomorrow, then during the week our times will be short and limited as i cant drive yet, but we are working on a plan to at least see him every day. Today was a wonder visit...but so hard to leave ***************************************************************************** I have had friends with premies, I have heard stories. But nothing prepared me for how much joy a premie mom gets out of littlest things. Today was one of the more joyous days I have experienced. Might not make a lot of since of why this day would be so wonderul for me, but I need to share my joy anyway. I am feeling ...a lot better today, so I got sit upstraight in a chair 3 inches from David. I got to touch him for a full 45 mins (not hold he is still not ready for that) but I got to hold his legs, and his feet and even his little head that my hand can literally cover up. But even more special, I GOT TO CHANGE HIS DIAPER!!! Never in a million years would I think that would be something that could bring my heart so much joy. I tear up just thinking about it. Silly,.... ya totally!!! But one of the most blessed beautiful things I have ever gotten to do...in a few days- his condition permitting. I might get to hold him for a few mins, and that will be amazing! Thanks for letting me share ********************************************************************* My last night at the hospital; I dropped by to say goodbye to the night nurses that cared for me for 3 weeks, I got many hugs, and "good job"s. I also got to see the nurse that got David through the birth. She is the talk of the floor, and she said that it was one of her true highlight and blessing in her carreer. I then went to visit David, he is making improvement constantly. I was looking at his head, so full of hair (thick-soft-black). I just wanted to feel the softness. My hand cover all his head, and half his face. He loved it. He curled his legs in, got very still, and moved his head into my hand, you could tell it gave him comfort and peace. That was the highlight of my evening. I will see him tomorrow, and then I will be heading home. Until I heal I will be able to spend a very limited time with him, but once I am cleared to drive I will spend the first half of the day at home, second half with him, so please pray for my heart. I am going to miss the time I don't see him..

The start of our Journey

(edited, and added 5-5) From the very begining this pregnancy was different, and full of unfamilar surprises. I knew I was pregnant with in days of conceiving. Morning sickness right away. My first pregnancy test was neg, because of how early I tested. I should have know then that i was in for a long haul. I should have known this one would be anything but normal. When i was about 5 weeks along I started to miscarry. I have "been there, done that" so many times, that i was waiting it out at home. I started bleeding heavily, and having some sharp pains. This was concerning So I made an apt. I knew I was losing the baby. In my mind no baby would have made it through that. Plus the pains made me fear an etopic pregnancy. But I was not prepared for the news I found at the drs office (well part of me was, but still came as a shock). "Yes Debra" the dr says," you are miscarring, but at this point I see two sacks." One sac that was already empty. "But you have a strong beating heatbeat in the other sack" Its a typical thing, I was told. But still hard. I almost had twins. How sweet would that have been. It is hard to deal with the emotions that come with losing a twin when one survives. Or grieve a loss when you are trying to hold onto the other. Its bitter sweet. It is wonderful that you are pregnant and carrying a life, but sad that you lost one. Its a blessing, with a tradgety all combined. The dr told me that in most cases the twin will miscarry then everything will absorb, and the second baby will go to term "Happens all the time" I left the drs office that day not knowing how to feel. Or how I did feel. I expected the miscarry to be over quickly, like all my others. Then it just got worse. I was now sure I was going to lose the second baby. I was bleeding so much that I was mins away from an ER trip, 9 o'clock one night. It eased up so i went to bed and saw the dr the next day. Our little baby was still doing great in his little home. The dr said we will just take it one day at a time. I continued to bleed until i was almost 18 weeks. Everyday I thought would be the day I lost my baby. Its rough to think that way, but i thought it was inevitable. This whole time I was on 'light' work. AKA no working out, no heavy lfting etc. My husband and I talked many times about losing him, and still 'knowing it was just a matter of time.' At 18 weeks I finally breathed. I was no longer bleeding. WE MADE IT! He was going to make it. YEAH!!!! Right? NOPE! Aprox 2 weeks later I was just standing and talking to my hubby, and i felt something all too familiar. *sigh* My water broke. I just could not believe it. We made it half way, I could not bare the thought of delievering a baby at 20 weeks. He would look perfect...but would be way to early. We got to the hospital. Oh, it was horrible. We were in the middle of the swine flu lock (aka nobody even your own children under 18 could come into the maternity ward) I was on my own. My husband had the kids, and I was in the hospital. Knowing what was ahead for me. Me delievering the baby on my own with no one to hold my hand, nobody to cry with me, and me saying goodbye to my precious baby before i even had a chance to say hello. They did the ultra sound first thing. I found out that he was a boy. He deserved a name, evenif he was only 20 weeks and even if he wasnt going to make it. It was easy. He was David. My little David. I had just changed insurance so this was the first time I meet my new dr. He said that he wanted to induce. David was alive, it a bad situation but still alive. And he still wanted to induce. He had a good reason, in his mind. He said my risks of infection were to great. He said if I got an infection I might lose my uterus. I could even die. So his best option was induce. I said no. He came back with numbers. 60 percent chance of an infection if I wait. He said labor normal starts with in a weeks anyway. Well I wasnt in labor, and 40 percent that i wouldnt get an infection isnt bad. (honestly i would have fought it with only one percent- if not less). I had to get direct for him to drop the induction talk. He didnt mention it again that night. But did give me a lot of sideways looks. I went home, knowing, labor was going to start. After all my body knows what it is doing. water breaks. Babies come. I knitted a hat for Little David to be burried it (yes I was preparing myslef for his death, it was the most likely senario, not the one i liked, but likely). A teeny, tiny. Little hat. Oh my gosh, how heart wrenching. But I needed to be prepared, he wasnt 'supose to' survive. I needed David to have something special. Something from his momma. The next day I went into the hospital with *labor pains* I had a new dr, he gave me the same risk factors, scary outcomes, etc. But I wasnt in labor, wasnt dialated...I could go home (and continue to wait for labor...I was like a ticking bomb). And he would supprt any decision I made. To induce. No thanks. Or to 'take my chances.' Yup I took my chances. I carried that hat with my for...well It still in my purse....and we will keep it. I got transfered to a high risk dr right away, and a new hospital that has a NICU (the other hospital didnt have these), I was now is great hands.. 　 To read the following in order, start at the bottom, 　 　 APRIL 2nd they are going to decrease the airflow tomorrow his cpap and see how he does...he is doing amazingly well. I know it takes a while to get milk established, but i am having my moments of discouragement. I got about 1 1/2 an oz at one nursing..whoo hoo, but about an 1/8 of a teaspoon the next....but the milk just came in and i know it takes time, so i am trying to be patient. I am doing alright physically, but still feeling run down, and did have a fever again last night, but now i am on my 2nd day of meds, so i should be feeling better tomorrow, the pain from the c-section is less, and i am getting around more, but still using the pain meds at the min hours. I had a WONDERFUL visit today, but it was sooooooo hard to leave today, the hardest yet. I got to change his diaper again, they took off his cpap to clean his mouth, face, and suction him, so i got to see and touch is WHOLE FACE, and i got an amazing picture...i will upload tonight and try and post tomorrow...He is amazing... I got to hold him again for about an hour....it was my longest visit at one sitting (2 hours) and i could have just sat there all day.... I am holding it together emotionally, but boy is it hard, and every so often i dont....this has been a long journey,but so so so worth the bed rest, i cant believe how long he help on, i am constantly feeling amazed and blessed. ah and again (and i can never say this enough) I got through this easier with your love, support, encouragement and prayers! I could never express how much your support has blessed my life! 　 　 april 1st I am home!!! I did break down and cried when we pulled up at home, when it really sunk in that David wasnt with me, it helps that my 13 month old is so happy to see me that she wont even leave my sigth, she has even started keeping pace with me, ans walking like me, side ways, backwards etc (which ever feels best for that moment. I did have to take a trip to the er wed night, i was home about 2 hours when i got a fever, got up to 101.8, they gave me antibiotics through an iv, did lots of blood work, and when my fever broke (with in a few hours) they sent me home, with oral meds. They said i was soooo anemic that if i hadnt been use to being on bedrest i wouldnt even be able to walk around with how anemic my body was, but the way i was he was happy to see i still had energy. I am on lots of iron, and they expect everything to go well with me from here...My incision looks great, and i feel just sore, not really bad or anything. The trip to the er was a pain no doubt, however going back to the hospital David had progressed even more that when i stopped by before going home I GOT TO HOLD HIM, i mean skin to skin, him on me holding!!!!!!!!! He is off the ventilator , and is on some "positive air" its called a c-PAp (i think) just goes in the nose, and pushes air into the lung, keeping the lungs open, but he is breathing 100 percent on his own!!!!!! Yesterday we went back and i got to hold him again, he heard my voice, and got excited, kicked his legs, they picked him up to give him to me, and he started winning, but as soon as he was on me he sighed, and then didnt move the whole time, when they tool him back (AN HOUR LATER!!!!) he wasnt happy, wanted momma back...ahhh both a blessing for my heart, and a tear jerking moment. Ack, we did the math, and each visit is $13 in gas...we (hubby) briefly talked about not seeing him everyday, oh that broke my heart in two, and i just broke down and cried, The thought of not seeing him was..sigh, you all know, SO hubby said we will make it work. That means i will be able to see him everyday this coming week!!!!!! That made my heart smile, but woa... our next difficulty is going to be when hubby starts work back up on monday, he will be home, but cant leave til 5 since so we cant fit the trips into the day (its a 40 min drive one way) so the trips will be late, and short. I keep telling myself at least i can see him (and that makes my heart sore), and 3 weeks will pass soon, and then i can drive myself, and just camp out near him all day.. 　 31st My visit with David- I was looking at his head, so full of hair (thick-soft-black). I just wanted to feel the softness. My hand cover all his head, and half his face. He loved it. He curled his legs in, got very still, and it felt as tho he moved his head into my hand (maybe just sensed the touch), you could tell it gave him comfort and peace. That was the highlight of my evening. I will see him tomorrow, and then I will be heading home. Until I heal I will be able to spend a very limited time with him, but once I am cleared to drive I will spend the first half of the day at home, second half with him, so please pray for my heart. I am going to miss the time I don't see him.. (And that's a huge understatement) His updates, he is on the ventilator at 20 percent_ whoo hoo! Weaned off meds except low levels of one. He is beautiful, amazing, precious, and so wonderful, one glance fills your heart so full of love and joy that there's no room for anything else... And, *yeah* I am producing 1/2 an oz (and climbing) every two hours of milk *and yippee* 　 30th My visit was awesome, I got to touch him for 45 mins, got to see all of him....and GOT TO CHANGE HIS DIAPER, never in a million years would I think that would make me so happy, but relaying it to hubby, and typing it now is just bringing on the tears lol.... He is doing soooooo good, the dr said they are going to try and wean him off the ventilator all together tonight- or tomorrow, and put in a less invasive noise tubes ...they are taking tiny steps forward, and so far none backwards (but they do expect some backward steps here and there) he is off the nitro, and also is weaning off or mostly off the other meds they have him on (blood pressure, and a sedative) I also GOT MILK (well colostrum) only about a teaspoon, but that's more then enough for his first feeding (that feeding won't be for a few more days anyway) 　 　 29th David is making hourly improvements, he has moved from the heavy duty ventilator, to the normal ventilator, we still have a long road, but we have made it so far, and since yesterday alone he has made so many improvements That we are all optimistic I am starting to get around a little easier, so I am able to see David better, and able to touch him a lot more, he loves to have his legs squished up, and he does well with touch (although can get easily over stimulated) he opened his eyes for me....and I had a wonderful visit with him tonight... 　 march 28th David is here This morning very soon after I woke up, I felt something weird come out....I knew what it was with in a few seconds (the cord, was on its way out...but wait, i am not even in labor), I called the nurse, with in 5 seconds I had about3 nurses, my dr and a few others in my room....my wonderful nurse, acted quickly and pushed the cord back up (i learned later that David held the nurses finger from the time she stepped in to the time the surgeons hand reached in, she said it was a total and amazing blessing to her)... david did well, I was completely out, he was born with in 15 mins from the time i called the nurses...I woke up a while after....they did have to resuscitate, but didnt take much (totally normal at this age they said) then he started trying to breath on his own -but he was too little, and had such poor lungs to do much work, he was doing poor at the beginning, they did ALL the lung steps (i dont rememeber what they were I just rememeber there were 3), and he wasn't doing great (you could tell the neo dr was concerned) well, about 7 hours after birth he was breathing 25 percent room air....and that's major, and terrific news!!!!! And ahuge turn around, and his dr is now happy (still no where near being out of the woods) he is 2 lb 15 oz, and yes big for his gest age (I think weight wise he is closer to 31 weeks) oh, and he is beautiful, absolutely beautiful....I have a pic on my phone, and should be able to transfer it in the next few days Anyway, if I was at home he would not have survived with the cord that way, and my nurse was amazing... I am doing well sore of course, but good...I tried pumping today and they say it might take a few days to come In, so we will keep pumping and wait patiently for it to come in ...he can't have any for the next few days anyway, and when he does it will be about a teaspoon a day (he will be on a preemie supplement to try and fatten him up) thanks for everything, I am happy to have been sharing this hard journey with you all, and I will continue to update you all 　 　 　 ********************************************************* I am sitting here, on total bed rest, feeling totally blessed. I am 27 weeks (he has been holding on for 7 weeks!), and David is still growing The sun is shinning in my window (and this is oregon so thats a big deal lol). Theres a tree right out side my window that was still brown last week, the leaves today are green and beautiful. I have been told by 2 nurses that i have the best veiw of all the momma rooms one nurse said blossoms will be on this tree in just a few weeks, and she wants me here to see them. They are all so sweet here, and even though there are many patience here i feel like i am being watched after all the time (but with all my "issues" and constant monitoring i am being watched over very well) David still looks great, having braxton hix type of pains, nothing big, and he is handling them well, i am dilated to a 2, but have been that way for a few days, he is still butt down, but the nurses have strick orders to do an u-s when labor starts, and the dr admitts that they are all puzzled that with such low fluid he is able to turn so often, so maybe one more big turn will be instore. I did have something weird happen today. I had started miscarring the twin at 5-6 weeks, u-s said it took a few weeks (well a bunch of weeks), but we thought he had been absorbed, that all started 20 weeks ago, wow, today the miscarriage of davids twin finally finished, (it wasnt much- just tiny looking tissue but it was jus the weirdest thing) This has been the weirdest pregnancy ever (well for me) Anyway thats me, and my updates...I saw my kids on sunday, cuddled with most of them in my bed, and will see them tomorrow, i get daily pics, videos and texts from my hubby, of all them, it so nice he is doing it for me...Does make me want to reach through my phone and grab them Thanks for sharing this journey with me __________________ 　 　 I am almost 27 weeks, in the hospital and will be here for the duration of my pregnancy, I know a lot of you have been following me on this journey, and sending lots of loves, thoughts, love and prayers..so i will continue to update, with any big changes, but we are hoping baby stays put for another bunch of weeks. There have been no changes since my last post, so baby is looking good, and his head is down, we are just taking it one day at a time:goodvibes: I now have internet at the hospital, ...so ill see you all around 　 　 　 3-1 Everything is the same....Sitting all day, and taking care of baby and me. He is still active in my tummy, and I am still having fliud issues...I forgot, at my last apt (last wed) there was a consern that the cord was under the baby, but it looks like it might be slipping in and out. We dont want it under the baby; the cord would be delieved first, and then would cut off blood flow to baby...I tried to get a full understanding and asked the dr but I think even for her there were to many questions, to give a complete answer. I am not sure if the cord underneath would mean c-section, or it its just completly bad all around.. (the dr seems really nervous about it at first, and then said, it seems to be moving in and out of that position) I dont know... But its another consern. I am 25 weeks today... wow has it been 5 weeks, And we know we got a fighter here....Oh how i hope he holds on another month (wouldnt that be awesome)...but if we are throwing out hopes, wishes- and of course prayers...Lets reach for the stars, and say lets make it to term, and be a strong healthy little man:hugs: 2-24- todays apt; 24 weeks 2 days old.....1lb 14 oz estimated, highest pocket of fluid levels are 5cm, on strict bedrest...thats the basics of the apt..too tired for any other updates 　 2-23 update 　 no changes in either direction with me- baby, everything is day to day the same. My apts are tomorrow, late in the day. I will post thurs 　 2-18 hanging in there, no changes, (might be good tho, no fever, no bad signs for me) but still having fliud issues, so bag is still open...feeling the baby move:thumbsup:, NO CONTRACTIONS STILL :thumbsup: baby is 23 weeks (and they said the baby would be born with in a week of the bag rupture...almost 3 weeks ago)...we see the neo dr next wed, as well as the perinatal ob for another full ultra sound. My biggest concern is the babies lungs- not only due to being premature, but with the low levels of fliud the lungs cant mature even if baby did make it to to term , the lungs might be damage from the low levels of fluid now, Last ob apt the fluids were just at the lowest exceptable level for lung developement, but the week prior it was lower, and this week- is still to see.. My biggest fear is having the baby survive all this, then still having to say goodbye, because his lungs were so damaged at this stage...I still have hope, but worried 2-14 I am really starting to *feel* all this..)-: and its so hard. The staying off my feet is soooo hard, but yes worth it! I am so bored....and tired of having to sit all day....I tell you, sad and stir crazy dont really go well together. But I am holding on... BUT- (BLEEDING STOPPED)!!! bleeding (had some very tiny bits prior) started yesterday, and the bag is still not re-seald. I am almost 23 weeks (i cant believe its been 2 weeks, and at the same time, I cant believe its only been two weeks- sigh) I still have hope...because I must, but i cant imagine (esp now with the bleeding) that he is going to hold on much longer... 　 　 2-11 update Saw the high risk dr yesterday, The bag is still leaking, I am still on bedrest (with a very helpful and supportive family) I still have a high chance of infection, and a very low chance of baby surviving. However, even through the leaking bag, I have managed to hold in just enough fluids that it is still extremely low, but the perintology thinks it is *just* enough for the baby to continue to thrive. It also has impoved slightly, but agian still barely there. I go again in 2 weeks for another ultra sound, and will also see the neonatal dr then. Things still are scary, low chance, etc...But my little boy held on through the passing of his twin, and weeks, and weeks of bleeding, so I KNOW he is a fighter... *******************************************************